


You Colour My Soul

by songbvrd



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Liam Dunbar POV, M/M, Marks appear on each others' skin, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, Pining, Secret Santa, Soulmate AU, Theo Raeken POV, Thiam Holiday Gift Exchange 2020, background Morey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28316193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songbvrd/pseuds/songbvrd
Summary: Everyone has a soulmate. Everyone's soulmate mark looks different. Some get telepathy, some get a red string of fate, some get their soulmate's voice in their head.Liam has waited for his ever since he can remember. Theo never wanted one. But when Theo realises that Liam's drawings on his own arm also appear on Theo, Theo makes a snap decision not to tell Liam the truth. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 10
Kudos: 157
Collections: Thiam Holiday Gift Exchange 2020





	You Colour My Soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xTarmanderx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xTarmanderx/gifts).



> For my love, Tara, aka @xtarmanderx for Thiam Gift Exchange! I hope you enjoy it! The prompts I had were Soulmate AU, Thiam Secret Santa with the pack, and music shop meet cute! I couldn't include them all explicitly, but all of these concepts are in here!
> 
> It got a bit long, but I hope you all love it! Merry Christmas, everyone! As always, please feel free to leave any/all feedback!

Mason got his when he was fifteen. His was pretty easy, Liam thought. A name, printed on his wrist. 

Nobody knew how or why— what any of it meant.

They only knew everyone’s sign showed up different, and that almost everyone had one.

Some sort of soulmate bond. 

Liam remembered the first time he saw someone discover it. Malia had sat in the library, sixteen to Liam’s fourteen, and yelled out, “Whoever’s fucking singing Barbie Girl needs to stop before I make them stop.” 

Nobody understood. Everyone just looked at her like she was mad, until the realisation hit. She was hearing her soulmate singing a song in their head. 

Liam had seen Malia grumpily yell at everyone for whomever was singing it in their head to stop multiple times. It wasn’t until a year after Kira moved to town that they made the connection. They were never together when it happened, but Kira was often humming a tune in her head. 

They didn’t start dating at first, it took them a while, but eventually, they slipped into easy habits, and then they were… in love or whatever. It was nice, and Liam liked them both, but he couldn’t helped resenting anyone who had theirs when he didn’t.

Truthfully, Liam was sort of terrified. Thus far, he’d lucked out. No heterochromia, no name, no blindness or colour blindness, no heartbeat, no songs, no nothing. Nothing at all to indicate he even had a soulmate. 

That was fine, Liam thought, totally fine. 

He knew plenty of people who didn’t believe in them. Scott, who had the last words Allison ever said to him tattooed on his ribs forever, was a great example of why not. It wasn’t fair. 

Liam’s parents — or, his mother and stepfather — didn’t have matching soulmarks, but they’d been together and happy for most of Liam’s life. His father, who did match his mother, had been awful to them both.

So Liam told himself it didn’t mean anything really. 

He saw protests sometimes, outside news stations. A group called ‘Free Love’ that had been campaigning against calling them ‘soulmarks’ for years. They contested there were no such things as soulmates, and that to insist that was damaging. That they were happenstance, and that anyone could love anyone and be happy.

Although, Liam had seen it gone right a few times too. Mason and Corey, who conveniently had each others’ names on their wrists, had been together for nearly two years, and could not possibly have been more loved up. 

Stiles and Lydia felt every sensation the other felt as if it was their own, and they were a perfect match, from what Liam could tell.

Derek and Braeden had matching scars across their necks, and… well, Liam couldn’t say if they were happy, they didn’t emote much, but they sure seemed to be.

Even Stilinski and Melissa, who had been dancing around each other for years, had jointly colour changing eyebrows around each other. They represented their individual moods, but only when speaking to each other. 

Liam told himself that maybe if he didn’t get his by eighteen, he’d just join one of those protest groups, if even for his own sanity. He figured he didn’t need to spend the rest of his life wondering if he was just fucked up.

As fate would have it, Liam was exactly eighteen when he found his. 

He had been doodling on his arms since he was twelve years old, drawing little designs and tattoos that he thought would be cool one day. His parents had gotten him special markers for it years ago, realising that it helped his IED somewhat if he had distractions, ways to get emotion out healthily. It hadn’t stopped the bouts of anger, but it had helped him to control them somewhat.

And, after everything that had happened in Beacon Hills that year, Liam figured he deserved it.

That particular day, he’d had a test coming up, and he kept looking at the spot where Gabe used to sit, and he kept wondering if he could’ve done more, if he should’ve done more. He kept wondering if all of this was his fault, if he wasn’t equipped to be the new alpha with Scott gone… He was all stress and frustration and nervous energy, to the point where Mason and Corey were both trying to calm him down.

He drew a little list of everyone he hadn’t been able to save, right down his arm, other little designs around them. It was a guilt habit, something he’d been doing in the months since the war with Monroe. 

‘Stop it.’ The writing showed up on Liam’s left arm, parallel to his own drawings on the right arm, and he nearly fell out of his chair.

As Liam watched, more writing appeared on his arms. It was a different pen, a ballpoint, and the handwriting was unfamiliar to him. 

‘I’m in class. Stop it.’

As Liam watched, the ink on his arm, the ones with the special pens that rubbed off easily, but stained in a pretty way, the ones he had put there, began to smudge and rub away. He watched each and every drawing go away, until his arm was smooth, if not a little smudgy. 

‘Who are you?’ Liam wrote back in his marker, blue eyes narrowing on his arm. Whatever science lesson the teacher was giving, Liam didn’t hear it. All he could focus on was his arms, and the surreal way the script came up on his left arm. Casual handwriting, letter by letter. 

‘Someone who is trying not to be in trouble for cheating. Knock it off.’

Liam just stared, but he let it rest for the moment— waiting for more to appear, waiting for some sign that it had been real and that he hadn’t just lost his mind after everything that had happened, the werewolf and the human parts. 

The last sentence began to smudge off again, and Liam just watched. 

“Dude, what the fuck?” Mason asked, evidently having noticed the writing being rubbed away. 

“I don’t know.” Liam said slowly. “Maybe my soulmark. I was drawing on my arm when suddenly someone else’s handwriting appeared on my other arm saying ‘knock it off’.”

“Sounds like a soulmark to me,” Mason whispered back, and grinned. “So who is it?”

“No idea.” Liam frowned, “I don’t even know if they’re in Beacon Hills.”

“Well… at least you know they speak English? And since they’re in a class, they’re probably in your timezone.” Mason offered, which sort of was helpful actually.

Liam opened his mouth to answer, but their teacher cut him off, shaking her head. “Dunbar, I’m used to. But Hewitt, come on, you’re a better student than this. Pick it up.”

They both fell quiet, and Liam just stared at his arm, wondering what it meant. 

*

“Is Theo picking you up?” Corey asked as the three walked together, “Or do you need a lift?”

Liam glanced around, surprised not to see Theo anywhere around. “Uh… he’s meant to be taking me, but he’s usually here by now.”

Liam and Theo’s relationship was tentative at best. Liam had offered Theo housing because it had been the right thing to do. Because Theo had saved his life multiple times and Liam couldn’t let him go on living in that stupid truck. 

They had gotten closer… ish. Theo was a hard person to spend a lot of time around, he was often pure snark and judgement, and while he and Liam were sort of friends, Liam wasn’t sure Theo even liked him as a person. He spent much of his time rolling his eyes or stomping around upstairs brooding as if he belonged in some CW show. 

Liam, who was more often than not existing with a totally different outlook, never really got it. 

“Maybe he got held up?” Mason suggested, trying to be helpful. It would be a stretch to say Theo really fit into their group. He sat with them often, and sort of hung out with them when Mason and Corey came over to play games, but he was never overly chatty or social, and, in fairness, they probably weren’t with him either. 

They had all come to the reluctant conclusion that Theo was more friend than enemy, and though time hadn’t healed all wounds, Liam found that it was getting there, day by day. He had even seen Mason and Theo walking to class together one day. Talking.

Weirdly, it was almost like Liam was his alpha now too. Not literally, but Theo had slotted into their little Puppy Pack easily enough. Whenever some drama went down, he was always there to help them, like he had been in the war against Monroe. It was still weird, realising that he trusted Theo to come through for him, but he always did. And he continued to.

“Yeah, maybe.” Liam frowned at the doors to the school, waiting for some sign of Theo to appear. 

“You want me to take you home?” Corey offered again, and Liam shrugged. 

“Nah, man. Thanks though. I’ll wait.” Theo had never stood him up before, so Liam had to imagine he wasn’t going to start now.

He sat by the edge of the parking lot, waiting for some sign of Theo, but finding none. He sent several texts, but when no answer came after an hour, Liam got to his feet and began walking home from school, wishing he hadn’t brought his lacrosse shit home with him. He was surely more equipped to handle it than most-- but that didn’t mean he was going to have a fun time with it. 

When he got to his home, it was empty, free of Theo’s truck too, which probably meant something was going on with him. Liam checked his phone, but his text messages were still unanswered. 

Later, laying in bed listening to music, Liam tried again. He got his markers and wrote on his arm. 

‘What’s your name?’

He watched the writing sit there for a few minutes before it smudged away, and, again, more letters began to appear on the other side.

‘What’s it to you?’

Great, Liam thought. His soulmate was an asshole. 

Liam drew a big question mark, and then drew the eyes emoji next to it. He wasn’t sure how you were supposed to begin communications with your soulmate, but he figured they had it a little different than some, since they couldn’t physically see or hear each other through this. If his soulmate were willing, they could use it to meet up, write a number, an address, a time… But his soulmate seemed not to want to do that. 

‘You can call me Jon.’ 

‘Is that your name?’ Liam wrote the word back instantly; not bothering to rub out the initial words on the other side. 

‘It’s the only name you’re going to get.’

‘Why is my soulmate a butthead?’ Liam wrote back. 

‘You haven’t even told me your name. How am I the butthead?’

Liam sighed, then wrote down his name. 

After a moment, he felt all the writing rub off. ‘Your handwriting sucks.’

Liam blinked down at his arm. It was true, but he was still surprised. He didn’t write anything back for a bit, instead drawing down his arms, little patterns and doodles. There was no reply now, no attempt to rub it out, and Liam found himself frustrated. He wanted to know more, but he was barely getting anything out of this person. 

When he heard the door open later, he poked his head out, looking down into the hall. His parents were away on some retreat, but he had questions for the Chimera, and he knew it must be him. 

“Hey.” Liam looked over the bannister, frowning. “Where’ve you been?” He asked, grumpy. 

“Sorry, I got kept back.” Theo said, setting his bag down by the door.

“Kept back?” Liam asked, concerned. “What happened? Are you in trouble?”

“No, no. I just haven’t been doing very well in History.” He admitted, “It’s no big deal.”

“I can help you with history.” Liam said instantly, “It’s like, one of the only subjects I’m really good at.” He grinned, “I can study with you or something.”

Theo blinked up at him, and Liam wondered if he was somehow confused by the offer. It wasn’t like Liam was a dick to him; he had taken him in after all. He cooked him dinner a lot of the time when his parents were away. Or, well, they took turns cooking for each other. He let him into their little, weird pack after Scott left, even after everything else. It wasn’t like he was mean to him, was he? Was it really so surprising he would offer help? It was Theo who always dipped out whenever they seemed to be getting close.

“Well, forget it then.” Liam scoffed, suddenly feeling embarrassed for having offered.

“No, sorry.” Theo interrupted Liam as he went to return to his bedroom, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… I was just surprised you offered, that’s all.”

Liam stopped in his tracks, glancing over his shoulder, brows raising. 

“I would… really appreciate your help, Liam.” Theo sounded physically pained at having to say the words, but Liam just nodded. 

“We can start after dinner.” 

*

Theo was absolutely, royally fucked. There was no damn way he was going to get through this. 

The doctors had always told him he wouldn’t have a soulmate. That the experimentation and bullshit of it all had stopped that from happening, and Theo had believed it. Sort of happily, actually. Nobody deserved to be stuck with him for a soulmate, and he had no idea what kind of horrible person would be paired with him. Nobody good could have a soulmate like Theo, who the dread doctors had once dubbed an ‘ordinary evil’. 

In any case, he’d ignored it. Aside from the obvious truth that he wasn’t a normal person and didn’t want a soulmate who matched his own tattered and evil soul, he had another problem.

A Liam Dunbar sized problem. 

There was no denying to himself that he’d come to care for the irritating younger werewolf. He couldn’t exactly say why-- Liam was reckless and stupid and constantly getting himself into danger. He was foolhardy and annoying and snored really loudly. And yet, even when Theo had still believed himself to be a total monster, completely irredeemable, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from throwing himself between the line of fire and Liam.

Back then, he had told himself it was because Liam had saved him. Because he had brought him back from hell. He had deluded himself into thinking it didn’t mean anything.

Theo was too smart to really believe his own lies, he always knew something was wrong about it. Liam had saved him, sure, but he hadn’t felt anything about going after Scott, even knowing they were childhood friends. 

There were a few logical explanations (and he believed all of them to be partly true). The first, was that he had cared more than he let on in the first instance, but that his fear and anger and trauma from growing up the way he did had taught him to shove all of that down. The second, that he had been changed by hell. That suffering over and over the way he did, having to hear his sister’s voice and look her in the eyes, had changed him. That it had made him more empathetic, or at least brought that empathy back. The third, and perhaps the most terrifying, was that he had grown to care about Liam. To actually care about him.

It got harder to deny every day, and at a point, Theo just stopped trying to deny it.

He let himself say the words in his own mind, let himself test them out to see if they fit.

Once he acknowledged he cared about Liam, that knowledge never went away. But he was fine with sticking around them and never getting too close. He was fine with keeping Liam at arm’s length, despite knowing he could, if he wanted to, forge a stronger relationship with him. He was fine with Liam dating other people or whatever else, because he knew that Liam deserved better than him.

If Theo even had a soulmate, and he doubted that he did, it would be someone equally as awful as him. Someone he deserved. If Liam had a soulmate, it should be someone as good as him.

If Theo really cared about Liam as much as purported to (in his own mind, at least) then he had an obligation to try to let him find the one person who would make him happy.

What Theo hadn’t let himself believe, ever, was that he and Liam could be… matched. 

It’s not that it hadn’t crossed his mind. At times, when he’d been awake in the dead of night, listening to Liam snore unbelievably loudly, he’d let his mind wander. Let himself imagine seeing his own name printed on Liam’s wrist, or hearing Liam’s voice in his head. He let himself imagine being bound by a red string of fate, or having Liam’s heartbeat written onto his wrist like magic. He let himself imagine a world in which he was Liam’s, and Liam was his. But then he’d find himself feeling ashamed, paranoid someone would see it on his face if he thought about it too much, and he’d force the ideas out. Remind himself of every awful thing he’d ever done, and remind himself he did not, and would never, deserve Liam. 

But at the end of the day, as much as a part of him wished he and Liam could be soulmates, logically, he knew it was his worst nightmare. Liam wouldn’t want him. People rebelled against their soulmarks all the time. And as much as Theo knew he would deserve it, he didn’t want to face that hurt. It was easier, safer, not knowing. Aside from that, the idea of Liam being matched with someone like him hurt because… Liam was a sort of pure, uncorrupted thing. Sure, he was short and angry and stupid, but he was good. Right down to the last cell of his being, he was good. Theo… wasn’t even close to that, and there weren’t enough days left in his life to ever make amends for all the bad he had done. He would never be able to repay his debt to the world.

So when Theo saw the doodles appearing on his skin, he nearly threw himself out the window. 

He recognised the doodles, because of course he did. Not just on Liam’s arms, but on Mason’s sometimes, or Corey’s. Hell, Liam had even drawn them onto his arms before, when they sat around at lunch or sometimes watching movies at home. It didn’t bother him any, though he had no idea why Liam did it so often, and he sort of liked having the drawings on his own arms. However, that was when Liam had put them there by his own choice.

This was different. He knew Liam was in some science class, and he sat in his english one, staring down at the drawings as they appeared. A list of names. There was no way for Theo to ignore it. He knew the names. Some of them were dead because of him, for fucks sake. 

Then there were little skulls and flowers by the sides of the names and Theo thought he might be sick.

This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair to Liam. Liam who surely had no idea that his guilt drawings were being inscribed onto the arms of a killer. Theo was dying for it to stop. When he wrote ‘Stop it’, he knew how it would come off. Abrasive and kind of rude. Maybe if he could push Liam away (as his soulmate or whatever), Liam would decide they didn’t mean anything and find someone else. Someone nice. He sure as fuck didn’t deserve this.

But then Liam was writing back and Theo was trying to figure out how the hell he was going to turn the must stubborn man in history off of his own supposed soulmate. If anything, he’d probably end up just pushing Liam into obsession with the mystery of it all. But what was his other option? Tell Liam? Let Liam have to reject him? Or worse, force himself into something because he believed it to be the right thing to do?

Hell no. 

Theo was meant to pick Liam up, but god help him, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t sit there and look Liam in the eyes. Plus, he didn’t have a jumper, and Liam might keep drawing or writing on his arms in the car, then he’d certainly see the marks on Theo’s arms. And then Theo’s plan was shot to hell. Plus, he was sure Liam knew Theo would recognise the drawings. If he ever found out Theo wasn’t telling him, he would know it was on purpose. Know that Theo had made the conscious decision to keep it from him. Which, to be fair, he did. He hoped Corey would give Liam a lift home instead, give Theo time to figure out what the hell he was going to do. Live in sweatshirts for the rest of his life, probably. Or at least until he got some kind of makeup good enough to cover it. Although, that would probably show up on Liam’s skin too. 

Liam asking for his name threw Theo for a loop. What the fuck name was he meant to give? He could just make one up. But he didn’t like directly lying to Liam, and if he could avoid it, he would.

His father was Jonathan, and though Theo had nothing good to say about his father, Jon seemed like an easy enough name to give. One Liam shouldn’t know. 

He sat alone in his car, on the border of Beacon Hills, telling himself it was time to move on. If Theo wasn’t there, Liam couldn’t see it. Theo would be some shitty blip in his life, a good deed he did, and he would find someone else. Liam would have no trouble finding someone else. He’d have no trouble finding someone who would love him. For all the annoying shit he did, he was… so loveable. Theo hated even thinking that to himself, felt guilty almost. Guilty for thinking these things about Liam without ever telling him.

He sat there telling himself to leave, willing himself to put his foot on the acceleration and just go. Yet he didn’t movie. He just sat and watched Liam continue to draw. The little swirls and patterns that seemed to mean something to him but not anyone else. The soft curves of the flowers he drew — so different from the baby wolf with anger management Theo had once been told about. He just watched, and he wondered what in life he had done to be able to just sit and watch Liam’s work like this. He never talked about it, not really, but it was… really good. 

Time wore on until it was nearly dinner time— and Theo told himself he would go tomorrow. 

One more dinner with Liam couldn’t hurt, right?

But Liam came clambering out all bull in a china shop as soon as Theo walked in, and something in Theo warmed. His parents weren’t coming home. Liam had been waiting to see him. 

History. Theo was good at History. Not as good as Liam. He was averaging a B+ though, and he certainly didn’t need tutoring. The words just came out though, and Liam offered so naturally, so casually. Theo didn’t deserve him. Theo would never deserve him. 

He should say no, but he couldn’t. How could he pass up time alone with Liam? Sure, Theo would probably be an asshole about it, because it was what he did, and because he wasn’t getting his hopes up imagining them together anytime soon. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t treasure the time. 

They stood together in the kitchen, trying to decide what to cook. “There’s spaghetti and meat. We could do spaghetti bolognaise?” Liam suggested, his head tipped. Theo hated when he did that, he looked like a puppy, the adorable bastard. 

“Good idea. Your turn or mine?” Theo asked and Liam shrugged. Theo had the looming concern that if Liam sat and waited for Theo to cook, he might draw on his arms again. 

“Yours then.” Theo said, maybe too forcefully. 

“Well, damn, Theodore. Would you jump in my grave that fast?”

Theo scoffed at that, “I don’t think that expression means what you think it means.”

“It fits fine, fuck off or I won’t make you any spaghetti.”

It was an empty threat, and Theo just smiled at the back of Liam’s head as he turned to begin cooking. 

He looked down at his arm, wondered half heartedly how Liam would feel if he saw his art there. He’d put it there before, but this would be different. He couldn’t imagine Liam being happy about it. Being stuck with Theo for life. 

“So… what’d you get up to today?” Theo asked, and he swore to himself he wasn’t prying to see what Liam would say about his ‘butthead’ soulmate, even though he absolutely was. 

Liam was quiet for a moment, and then he spoke quietly, “Nothing much. Got yelled at in biology. What else is new?” He chuckled.

Theo was confused. Why was Liam not bringing up the mark? The writing? He couldn’t possibly know, right? Theo had made a point of masking his handwriting. There was no possible way Liam could know.

An hour later and they were heading upstairs to study. Liam walked ahead of Theo into Theo’s room, and before Theo could comment, Liam flopped backwards onto his bed, arms behind his bed, stretching out as if he belonged there. 

Theo tried not to look. He tried not to notice the way Liam’s shirt rode up around his stomach, showing the top of his underwear and a strip of pale skin with defined muscle. He tried not to think about Liam on his bed and what other context he might be there in. 

“Comfortable?” Theo asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Easier to act annoyed than to let himself think more. He was good at lying, good at masking his scent, but he wasn’t sure he was this good. 

“Very.” Liam stretched out his leg to kick Theo, “Come. Tell me what subject you’re doing.”

Theo sighed and dropped down beside Liam on the bed, on his stomach, reaching over the bed to grab his textbook. When he got it, Liam shifted closer, their arms and legs touching. 

Theo was either going to die or kill Liam. 

*

‘Will you tell me about you?’ 

Liam could tell whoever this was didn’t really want to talk to him, but Liam wanted to talk to them (him?) and he wasn’t going to leave it alone until he did. Surely that had to be part of what made him this person’s soulmate, right? If he really was?

He waited for over ten minutes before more writing began to appear on his left arm, once again, in a ballpoint pen. ‘What do you want to know?’

Liam thought this person’s handwriting was undeniably better than his, which was sort of annoying, but also probably very inevitable. 

‘Anything. Give me 3 funfacts.’ 

Again, there was silence. Nothing for a while, even longer this time, then everything started to disappear for a moment and Liam figured maybe they were about to say something.

‘I had a dog named Margaret. I wanted to be a firefighter when I was a kid. I can’t think of a third.’

Liam smiled at each individual point, all set out one on top of the other, like a list. Neat, weirdly neat considering the circumstances.

The writing rubbed away, then was replaced by another sentence. ‘I don’t really believe in the soulmate thing.’

Liam considered that for a moment, unsure what to make of it. It was, he decided, basically a dismissal. He rubbed the new sentence off, and stared down at his arm.

‘Does the drawing bother you?’ He wrote slowly, feeling slightly crestfallen about the whole thing. He’d been waiting his whole life just to be dismissed out of hand by someone who didn’t even know him… 

A moment later. ‘Why?’

“I do it because it helps me to not freak out. I’m sure this makes you believe in soulmates even less… but I don’t really want to stop doing it.’ 

The writing smudged off and then more appeared, ‘Freak out?’

Liam hesitated. His IED wasn’t something he willingly discussed with people he didn’t know. Anyone who knew him well would surely recognise the drawings, so that discounted a lot of people. But he didn’t know how much it would freak someone new out and he didn’t really want to have to explain the backstory to it all. His father, the medication… there was the bite too, but no way was Liam going to discuss that with someone he didn’t even know.

He was struck momentarily with the horrible thought that it could be a hunter. Someone on the lacrosse team. Someone who hated him. He considered Nolan for a moment and then shook that away. Absolutely no way. 

‘I have some problems with my mental health.’ He settled on. There was no answer for an extended time, and Liam lamented that any chance he’d had had certainly gone out the window with that confession. Instead, a good hour later, he got a response. It was smaller, neater somehow. Almost like it was tentative.

‘I don’t mind if you keep drawing.’ 

A moment later, Liam wrote back a ‘Thank you’. Then he wondered if he should be waiting to reply too. Was this like texting? Was he being clingy? It’s not like he could pretend not to have seen it, it was on his own body for god sake. What was the etiquette for arm texting your soulmate who didn’t want to know you?

There was a far quicker gap between Jon’s last response and this one. ‘Three things about you?’ 

Liam tried to think of anything interesting about him and came up short. He was a beta werewolf with IED. But none of that was something he cared to advertise, and he wasn’t sure what else was particularly interesting about him. He was good at lacrosse, he guessed, but even that, he shared with Nolan now. And while he could accept that Nolan had changed, that he never wanted any of that, he wasn’t sure he’d ever really forget what they’d done to him in that classroom. It was burned into his brain. 

Even knowing Nolan wasn’t involved in the shooting at Scott’s house, Liam still associated it with him, and it made it hard to be anything more than teammates. 

‘I’m co-captain of the lacrosse team.’ He realised that if this person went to his school, he’d just confirmed his identity. He supposed he was leaving that option open, for them to come to him if they wanted to. But they’d already said they didn’t believe in it, and Liam wasn’t exactly popular after everything with Monroe, so he somehow doubted it. ‘My best subject is history.’ Liam thought for a moment, then added, ‘I do believe in the soulmate thing.’

He really was coming off a little crazy, he realised, but hey? This person was meant to be his soulmate, right? Maybe they’d actually like that about him.

‘Why?’ The answer was there a moment later and Liam rubbed it all out, making room to explain. 

‘My best friend got his and they’re perfect. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic.’

Liam barely heard anything his teacher said as he waited for a reply from Jon.

It took time, but finally he got the reply, ‘Guess I don’t really believe in that stuff.’

Liam replied instantly again, as was his way. ‘Why?’

‘Never really seen it work out.’ Jon was answering quicker now and Liam figured he’d triggered some kind of conversation from him. 

‘Love?’

‘No.’

Liam stared at the word for a second. It took him a moment to decide to answer. ‘Maybe we could change your mind’. It was a bloody forward thing to say to someone he didn’t even know, but they were meant to be soulmates or whatever, so Liam figured forward wasn’t the worst thing he could be. 

‘You don’t even know me.’

Liam tried for something else. ‘Well… maybe we can get to know each other. And you can decide if I’m worth taking a chance on.’ Liam added a little smiley face for good measure at the end.

There was no reply for a bit, and Liam wound up chewing his pen, anxiously waiting for something else. For any reply at all. Any indication that his soulmate wasn’t currently trying to find a way to get the words to stop for good. Maybe they did know who Liam was. Maybe they went to Beacon Hills and didn’t like him at all.

He knew he was spiralling, but he couldn’t help it, this was something he’d been hearing about since he was an infant. Something he’d always at least partly believed in. He supposed you could be happy without it, like his own parents, but… so many people were so much happier with it, and Liam at least thought it was worth trying. What if he didn’t and stayed with someone else and then they wound up miserable?

*

Theo sat on the edge of town again, staring at the sign. It was still a few more days before Liam’s parents came home, and he didn’t really want to leave Liam alone, though he knew Liam was probably better off without him there. Still, how many times had he saved Liam’s life now? How many times had Liam thrown himself into danger like he had a death wish? 

Maybe he should just stay with Liam until his parents got back, if nothing else?

He looked down at his arm. He hadn’t rubbed Liam’s last words off and neither had liam.

He considered, not for the first time, just telling Liam the truth. Telling him it was fine if he didn’t want this. Tell him he understood. But he kept defaulting back to it not being fair to Liam. Liam didn’t deserve to be stuck with him. Liam was already so self-loathing, there was no way he wouldn’t take being soulmates with a murderer as some kind of indictment on him and his violent nature or something. 

The irony of calling Liam self-hating wasn’t lost on Theo, but Theo deserved it. Liam was just a kid with a condition he couldn’t control (yet somehow did), Theo was a murderer. 

Hadn’t he wanted to hear Liam say these exact words to him? To take a chance on him? Wasn’t that what he’d always wanted? Why now, in the final act, was he bailing? Fear, probably. Guilt, definitely. 

He sat there staring until he got a text from his phone. It was Liam, ‘Coming home? It’s your turn to cook.’ It was, and Theo never got over the way it warmed his heart a little to hear Liam refer to his house as Theo’s home. He supposed it sort of was now, he had his own room and all, Liam’s parents acted like he was their second kid for all intents and purposes. Theo knew they didn’t quite trust him, after what he’d done, but they trusted him enough. They’d grown to trust him more over time. 

Theo just sat staring at the text, figuring if he rubbed off Liam’s words now, that might be suspicious. Instead, he dug a hoodie out from the back of his truck, from when he’d lived there year round, and pulled it on. He was going to spend a lot of time wearing hoodies these days. 

He texted Liam back a thumbs up and began driving. Technically, nothing he’d said to Liam so far was untrue. He did want to be a firefighter when he was a kid. And he did have a dog named Margaret. He had believed in soulmates, actually, right up till now. Now, not so much, because there was no good reason for Liam to be stuck with him. It couldn’t be real if he was stuck with him.

When Theo got home, Liam already had something in the oven, and Theo raised his brows. “I thought it was my turn?” He pointed out with raised brows.

“Yeah, well… You took too long. Where’ve you been anyway? Have you got a secret girlfriend I don’t know about?” Liam asked, brows raising back at Theo, a smirk on his face.

“Boyfriend.” Theo answered, wondering what possessed him to say that at all.

All smirks were gone, and Liam looked shocked. “Huh?”

“It would be a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. But uh, no, nothing like that. I just wanted to go for a drive.”

Liam nodded once, but his expression had twisted from surprised to concerned. “Are you okay?” Liam asked, “Did something happen?”

His concern made Theo feel guilty, ungrateful. After everything he’d done, Liam still cared enough to check if he was alright, and Theo was lying to him. Lying by omission, but lying still. “Yeah, I’m all good,” Theo answered with an awkward smile, “Just been… thinking a lot lately.”

Liam tried to joke, but he still looked worried, “Well… don’t hurt yourself, I guess.” He said, turning back to the oven to check on the pizzas he’d apparently been cooking. Liam sat on the edge of the kitchen bench, looking at Theo like he was trying to figure something out.

Theo hated it. 

He wasn’t sure what Liam could possibly ascertain from just staring at him the way he was, but he worried it was more than Theo was wanting to share right at that moment.

“What?” Theo finally asked, coming off a little more aggressive than he meant to.

“You’re nineteen, right?” Liam asked, and Theo wondered where it was going. 

“Yeah?”

“Have you gotten your soulmate thing yet?”

Fuck. Why was Liam asking? What could Liam possibly gain from asking him this?

“The doctors told me their experimentation would mean I wouldn’t get one.” Theo answered. It wasn’t really lying, he told himself, because the doctors had said that. It just hadn’t been true, but it was what he was told.

“Oh.” Liam nodded once, but his blue-eyed gaze remained locked on Theo, and Theo had to actively try not to squirm under it. The weight of his gaze was intense, and Theo had no idea why. “Sorry.”

“Eh,” Theo said with a shrug, “No one around here is on my level anyway,” He smirked as he said it, though really, it couldn’t be further from the truth. Still, it was what Theo was supposed to say, he was sure. It was what he would’ve said, before Liam had knocked all this stupid feelings bullshit into him. 

Liam snorted, “Yeah, alright.” He swung one of his legs out, kicking Theo, and Theo had to actively restrain from smiling at him. Bloody adorable.

“Did you get the text from Scott, by the way?” Liam asked after a moment of loaded silence.

Theo blinked, “No. What text? Is something wrong?”

“No,” Liam said quickly, “Nothing like that. They’re doing a secret santa thing.” He explained, “They need to know who’s going in the draw.”

“Oh.” Of course it hadn’t been sent to him. He was a tentative ally, not a part of their pack. Only Liam really wanted him there, and even then… He wasn’t sure if that was just Liam’s hero complex or if Liam actually wanted him around. “Well, that’s fine, they probably just don’t want me in it.” Theo said, shrugging as if he couldn’t care less. He did care-- but he had no right to expect differently, so he wasn’t going to. 

Liam scoffed, “I already said you’d be in it.” He told Theo casually, “No backing out now. He’ll text you with who you got soon.” He beamed, proud of himself, and Theo thought again how much he looked like a labrador sometimes. 

“Great.” Theo rolled his eyes.

“Wanna watch a movie with me?” Liam asked, and he was all innocence and hope and Theo felt a moment of doubt. Could he have this? If he told Liam the truth, was there a chance? He simply nodded.

A little while later, they were sitting on the couch, each of them with a plate of homemade pizza in their laps. Theo was the better cook, but Liam tried, and Theo wasn’t going to criticise him for that. Liam had sat closer to Theo on the lounge than he needed to, and Theo kept stealing glances at him, uncomfortable and confused about what was happening.

When Liam finished and asked if he could draw on Theo’s arms, Theo said “No!” a little too quickly and forcefully for the question. Liam looked offended, hurt maybe, and while Theo tried to explain, he could tell that damage had been done. Maybe that was for the best. Theo would never be able to say yes now. It was just… done. 

It was a little while later when Liam fell asleep on Theo’s shoulder, and Theo was careful not to move even an inch, not to wake him. Liam was like an energiser bunny, he was always going, trying to be the best captain, the best student, the best alpha, the best friend. Theo didn’t really get it, since he couldn’t be bothered even half as much, but he was kind of glad just to see Liam asleep, for however long that would last.

When his phone buzzed down at his other side, Theo managed to grab it without moving the side Liam was on too much, seeing a message from Scott. 

‘Your secret santa recipient is Liam. Be nice.’ 

Liam was snoring softly, and Theo glanced down at him. His mouth was hanging slightly open and his arms were wrapped around Theo’s right arm, hugging it like a pillow. Theo couldn’t help smile. Honestly, how was he ever supposed to be around this stupid beta and not fall for him? He was like a walking puppy, a little beacon of light.

How stupid did Theo have to be to stick around and fall deeper into this hole. Liam would find out eventually, he couldn’t hide it forever. But he needed to try a little longer. If he left, then Liam never needed to know. 

But he couldn’t leave yet. He had to buy Liam his secret santa present. Maybe after Christmas.

*

‘How do you feel about Christmas?’

Liam stared down at his arm, confused. ‘Love it. Why?’

‘Thought you wanted to get to know each other.’

The writing rubbed away and Liam smiled down at it.

‘Do you like it?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

Liam waited a long time after that one, staring down at his forearm curiously. 

After a little while, he got bored and, knowing on Theo’s door, he barely waited to let himself in. Theo just about jumped off the bed, looking scandalised. “Liam, what the fuck?” He demanded, “You can’t just do that. What if I was with some guy?”

Liam blinked, looking around the room. Everything looked normal and there were no other scents. “Were you?” He asked.

“It’s the principle of the thing.” Theo snapped. 

“Wanna hang out?” Liam asked, tipping forward and back onto the balls and heels of his feet, a small smile on his face.

Theo rolled his eyes at him, shook his head. “I’m busy, Liam.”

Liam scoffed, all pouty, but went to get food before returning to his room. At some point, new writing finally began to appear. ‘Not close to my family.’

They went back and forth for a while, talking, before they got onto describing what they looked like. Jon told him very little, and Liam wondered if he was worried about who Liam was or even being recognised.

It took him a while to ask the question he really wanted to. 

‘Do you know me?’

‘Yes.’

*

Theo was stupidly tired. He’d gone on chatting to Liam via his arm all night, which was just incredibly dumb, he was only lowering himself further into this hole. 

But then, maybe Theo wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. After all, he stayed here, didn’t he? He stayed here because some part of him still wanted it to be true. Some part of him wanted Liam to figure it out, to actually want to be with him. But the logical part of his brain knew that wouldn’t happen, and the logical part of his brain should’ve made him leave town.

“When are you going to tell him?” 

Theo let out a little ‘ahh’, nearly jumping out of his skin. How soft was he getting that he hadn’t even noticed Corey’s presence at his side? How distracted was he? “What are you talking about?” He snapped, hoping against hope that Corey wasn’t talking about what Theo thought he was talking about.

Corey sighed, grabbing Theo’s arm boldly and yanking one of his sleeves up. There, unable to be hidden, was a little message in Liam’s handwriting. ‘Morning, Jon :)’. Corey just raised his brows at Theo as he pulled the sleeve back down, eyes widening.

“How the fuck did you know?” He grimaced, his voice a little too aggressive. 

Corey just smirked at him. “Couple of things. First, you’re wearing hoodies. Like, all the time. You never wear long-sleeved clothing. It’s not subtle that you’re showing off, by the way.” Corey bit into an apple he’d been holding as they walked through the school grounds. “Also, your dad’s name is Jonathan.” Corey shrugged, like that was all nothing and obvious.

“How…?”

“I was around during all the scheming, remember? Chimera?” He scoffed, “I remember hearing you mention your parents. You’ve also been super weird since Liam got his soulmate mark. I mean, weirder than usual. So why are you lying?”

Theo had clearly not given Corey even nearly enough credit. Theo sort of thought Corey was, like Liam, sweet and good-hearted, but not all that observant. He and Corey had rarely spoken since everything happened. Theo apologised once, and Corey sort of casually accepted it, but that wasn’t the same at all. Not as this.

“He doesn’t want to be with me.” Theo said, his jaw clenched as he walked, refusing to look at Corey.

“Don’t you think that might be up to him to figure out?” Corey asked back, talking like Theo was stupid. Hell, at this point, Theo wasn’t particularly inclined to disagree with him. 

“No.” Theo answered casually, “He doesn’t need that pressure. He’s got enough on his plate. Besides, his parents aren’t soulmates and they’re happy. He’ll find someone else.”

“Okay, follow up question, why are you answering him at all then? If you’re so sure he doesn’t want this?” Corey asked. He was doing a really good job of pointing out all the holes in Theo’s already terrible plan. The opposite of airtight, it was a windstorm. 

Theo sighed, “Because I’m a weak, weak man.”

Corey blinked. “Ahh.” He nodded, “So… you’re soulmates, you’re into him, and you’re too weak to stop talking to him. Just fucking tell him, dude. If you don’t, it’s still going to come out, he’s just going to be pissed when it comes out.”

Theo sighed again, pointedly, as if trying to let Corey know he wasn’t enjoying this conversation, which he wasn’t. “I’m going to leave after Christmas.” He said quietly.

“Why?” Corey asked back, not a hint of tact about it. He was just being blunt, and maybe Theo kind of needed that. Liam had no tact either, and Theo figured he and Mason had all the sensitivity of dialogue in their weird little pack. Not that Theo often chose to use it.

“Because I don’t want him to find out.” Theo answered flatly, wishing the bell would ring so he had an excuse to leave already. Although, he realised dimly, they were going to the same free period. Corey could harass him however long he wanted. Theo should’ve just dropped out when he had a chance rather than finishing a year late.

“No, I meant, why after Christmas? You’re just giving him more time to get attached. And it’s way more likely people are going to see the writing on you…?”

He was right, obviously, but Theo had already prepared a fake answer to give. “I’m his secret santa. I can’t leave him without a present.”

Corey just stared at him, “I really thought you were smarter than this.” He told him, and Theo nodded gravely.

“So did I, man.”

It was a while later, seated in the library during their free, that Theo decided to speak again.

“I don’t know what to get him.” He finally said.

Corey glanced up again, confused. “How?” He asked. “You two live together. You spend like, every day together. You cook dinner together most nights. How can you possibly not know what to get him?”

Theo absolutely did not like how adept Corey was at making him feel even more stupid than he did before. He did spend a ton of time with Liam. Too much, probably. And it wasn’t that he didn’t have ideas, because he absolutely did, it was that he didn’t know if his ideas were any good, and he wanted Liam to have the best gift ever. Especially if he was just going to skip town right after. But he didn’t plan on being here by New Year, so Christmas was it.

“I thought about getting him a guitar.” He said slowly, “I’ve seen him play with a friend’s before. He can sort of play, and he clearly likes it, but he doesn’t have one.”

“That’d probably be over the hundred dollar limit.” Corey commented, though he seemed more amused than anything.

“Well, it's a secret, right? He won’t know it was me who spent the money. And I have a job now.” Theo contended. 

“It’s a good idea. But he probably will end up knowing you spent a lot extra on him.”

Theo thought about that. But he would be gone by New Years. Even if it got awkward because he spent so much, he wouldn’t have to live in that awkwardness long. Jon could just casually stop answering Liam, and Liam would never know. Maybe he’d guess, at some point, that it was Theo who was pretending to be Jon, but he would never have any way to confirm. And even if Corey spilled, Theo would be long gone by then.

“Who’ve you got anyway?” Theo asked back, staring at his hands as little doodles appeared. Well, fuck, Theo would have to scrub that off. How was he meant to stop it from being obvious on his hands. Corey glanced down at his hands, and grinned, a little too amused for Theo’s liking.

“Malia.” He groaned, “No idea what to do with that.”

“Can’t help you, man. Get her like, weapons or something.” He shrugged, but found that, although Corey was blatantly mocking him, he liked talking to Corey. He was blunt with him, but Theo kinda liked it. He wasn’t tiptoeing around him or acting like Theo might turn back into who he was before. Even after all the shit Theo had done to Corey, intentionally and unintentionally.

It took a moment for Corey to speak again, but when he did, Theo could see the smirk on his face already. It wasn’t going anywhere good for him, he was sure.

“So… how long have you been totally whipped over Liam?” 

*

“Hey, Theo?” 

Theo glanced up, surprised Liam was talking to him at lunch. Mostly he sat with them in silence, just watched, rarely contributed. But Liam was alone, no Mason or Corey in sight. 

“Yeah?” He asked, “Where are your sidekicks?” He joked, knowing they’d probably be pissed if they heard him say it. 

“Not sure.” Liam admitted, “They’re just not here.” He looked concerned, but Theo had a sinking feeling he knew exactly what was going on. He should’ve known being honest with Corey was a dumb mistake. Now Mason would know too and Theo gave it a few days before Mason spilled to Liam.

“Join me then.” Theo moved over on the bench, and Liam sat beside him, opening his sandwich up in silence. Theo wasn’t sure what was wrong with him, but he got the sense that something was. “What’s going on, Alpha Jr?” 

Liam sighed, “Don’t know.” He admitted. “Some days… I just come to school and all I can think about is… those days where I had to come here because there was no other option, but…” He swallowed, “But I knew I was going to get cornered and stared at and talked about before I even walked in.”

Theo had heard about what they did to Liam. The cracked, bloody nosed version of Liam they had left. The knowledge they would’ve gone farther if a teacher stepped in. It made Theo’s blood boil. He hadn’t really been around so much, and hadn’t known Liam as well, but if anyone did anything close to that to him now… Theo might have to revise his whole ‘good guy’ thing he had going on these days. 

“I’m sorry.” Theo said slowly, and he reached out, as if to comfort Liam, but stopped, letting his arm fall.

Liam scoffed, “You got a lot of shit to be sorry for, but this isn’t one of ‘em.” He joked, shaking his head. And then— and truly, Theo was unprepared— Liam leaned his head against Theo’s shoulder, like he might have done at home. Theo stared straight ahead, forcing his breathing to stay calm, forcing his heart rate to still, to stay normal.

*

The realisation wasn’t surprising, really. He’d spent so much time with Theo since the end of the war, in cars, on couches, cooking, at school. They still talked tentatively, like they were both afraid of stepping on minefields, but Theo was… Theo. Things were always complicated with Theo, and yet, Liam felt like they were closer than Theo was to anyone else in his life.

He’d be closer, really, if Theo would let him. 

He wished it was Theo. 

For all of their bickering and bullshit over the last few years, he wished Theo was the one on the other end of his soulmark. 

Theo had no reason to lie though, and there was no way they were soulmates. They were too different. And even if Liam did find his eyes lingering on Theo a little too long, it didn’t matter. Theo clearly didn’t feel the same. He kept rejecting hanging out with Liam lately, had even said Liam couldn’t draw on his arm. 

Liam had already decided whoever it was was right handed, based on where they put their writing, which he let himself connect with Theo for a moment, but then remembered most of the world was right handed and that that was absolutely no help at all. There was no purpose for him to connect anything to Theo at all.

Even if it was him, he didn’t want it to be. Obviously.

So Liam tried to make himself forget. He asked Theo to hang out less often. He tried to strike up conversations less, and he tried to talk to Jon more. He tried to find things to like. 

Jon hadn’t given him much to work with. There was humour and wit sometimes, but only glimpses of it. He’d also learned a little more about him, having stayed up late a few nights writing on his arms even though he knew he shouldn’t.

He’d found out that Jon was a dog person. That his favourite Christmas carol was ‘Baby Please Come Home’. That he hated pomegranates (of all things to specifically hate). That he slept on the left side of the bed always. He found out that he wanted to learn how to ballroom dance one day— and Liam thought that was cute. 

Of all the ways he compared Jon to Theo, he wasn’t sure Theo had ever been that vulnerable, even in writing. 

He also found out that Jon liked blue eyes; and that his first ever crush had been on a boy with blue eyes. Liam was pleased to tell Jon his own eyes were blue too. Jon never said too much about his own appearance, other than that he was fit, had brown hair and that people often argued about what colour his eyes were.

He kept trying to picture someone, and he had to consciously teach himself not to picture Theo. The more distant Theo became from him though, the easier it became. To picture some faceless man. 

He got over Hayden even when he thought he couldn’t possibly. If there was anything Liam had learned, it was that love was absolutely nothing to do with appearances, and everything to do with chemistry, communication and vulnerability. He wasn’t so great at the second two, but he tried his ass off. 

‘Have you ever had a boyfriend before?’ He wrote on his forearm, watching the other and waiting for the familiar writing to come up. 

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

There was a moment of silence from Jon, and Liam yelled at Theo to turn his music lower— they had somewhat different taste in music. 

‘Only ever really liked one person before.’

Liam didn’t know how to answer, because a moment later, another question followed. ‘Have you?’

‘No. I’ve had a girlfriend though. Hookups and stuff, but never a boyfriend.’ Maybe that was too much information. Maybe he was making himself sound bad…?

‘Do you have a problem being matched with a guy?’

Jon was quicker to rub his arm out than Liam, who often let writing build up a while before rubbing. But talking to Jon was like having snapchat. You’d better memorise it, because it’d be gone soon. 

‘No. I’m bi. It’s only coincidence I’ve only dated a girl.’ 

There was silence for a little longer. Liam sighed frustratedly, wishing he would hurry up and answer. This is why Liam didn’t do casual dating. He didn’t have the patience for all the waiting around and not knowing if people were just busy or didn’t want to talk to you. He was too bad at it.

‘What’s your type?’ It was a fair question, Liam decided, but not one he knew how to answer. He thought about all the people he’d ever had crushes on. At least consciously. Hayden. Brett. Theo. What the fuck did they all have in common.

‘Honestly, sort of mean people.’ He wrote back, realising he’d probably made himself sound like an idiot. ‘Smart. Witty. Sarcastic.’ 

‘Huh.’ That was all Liam got back. He rubbed his right arm clean, waiting to write more, but unsure what he could possibly say to Jon about that. ‘I told you to knock it off the first time I wrote you back.’

‘Yep. Mean.’ Liam wrote back with a half smile.

‘Don’t you want someone who’s going to be nice to you?’

‘Ideally, yes. It would be nice to be liked by the people I like.’ 

‘Haha.’ Liam didn’t know what to make of the haha that appeared on his left arm. Haha? Was that sarcastic? Was it meant to be like, haha, no one would ever be nice to you? Was it that they actually thought he was funny? Was he just being mocked?

Liam cleared his throat before he began writing again, ‘What’s your type?’

‘Don’t really know.’ Jon answered quicker this time, and Liam wondered if he’d been considering it since he’d asked about Liam’s. He suddenly wondered if there was a Jon at their school. If it was someone nearby. If it was someone on the total other side of America. Canada, even. ‘Not enough to establish a pattern.’ 

Liam thought about that for a moment, then asked, ‘If you could create your perfect partner right now???’ 

Time dragged on a little too long, and Liam picked up his phone, texting a group chat of their little group. 

Baby Alpha: Do we have a Jon at Beacon Hills High?

He hated that nickname. But Theo had set it months ago and it had stuck.

Violet Parr: Don’t know. Is that your secret boyfriend?

Things were quiet for a minute, and Liam noticed that Jon had written more. ‘Don’t know. Clever, probably. Loyal. Good hearted. A nice guy.’

He stared back at Corey’s message with a sigh. Violet Parr had also been Theo. Come to think of it, Theo had named nearly everybody.

Brains: Hardly a secret when it’s all Liam talks about. You need to find out his last name.

Baby Alpha: Tried that. Didn’t work. 

Violet Parr: Guess it’s time to do some research. Unless Theo knows him.

Liam waited for a moment, but nothing came through from Theo, so he turned back to his arm. ‘I like to think I’m some of those things.’

‘Don’t sell yourself short. I’m sure you’re all of them.’ It was actually the nicest thing Jon had said so far.

Liam, never one to take an easy win, drew a noughts and crosses board on his own left arm, making it a bit clumsier in his writing, but easier for Jon, who was clearly right handed. ‘Play?’ He wrote on the right.

A circle appeared. 

Within the hour, they’d played over a hundred games and Jon won nearly every one. 

‘Glad genius wasn’t on your list’ Liam wrote, feeling a little silly about how creamed he was getting.

‘Bet you could kick my ass at lacrosse.’ Liam smiled down at his arm, a little shy in the face of the almost compliment. 

*

Idiot. Theo was an absolute and complete idiot. He was digging himself further into this hole. Jon should just stop replying. Tell Liam he had decided he just didn’t morally agree with soulmates. Say he lived on the other side of the country and would rather they not pursue it. 

How did this one stupid beta make him so weak and so stupid? He was always the smart one. The tactical one. He’d almost defeated their pack for fuck’s sake. These days, Theo couldn’t even find it in his cold and stolen heart to disappoint Liam.

Hell, he’d gone out especially to get garlic bread to have with dinner because he knew Liam wanted it. He was absolutely not getting out of this. 

Whatever Liam asked, Theo did. He stayed up late talking to Liam about whatever dumb thing he wanted to talk to Jon about. He stayed up late with Liam watching whatever dumb movie he wanted to watch, always carefully covering his arms and hands just in case.

It didn’t matter, lately Liam just kept falling asleep on him. 

He made these tiny little snorts when he got into a particularly deep sleep, and Theo had taken to calling him ‘little piggy’ whenever he woke him up to send him to bed. But in truth, Liam hadn’t been sleeping much after what happened with Monroe, so if falling asleep with Theo and a movie helped, that was fine by Theo.

Even when Jenna and David returned home, Liam didn’t stop. Theo just had to deal with knowing looks from his parents now too. 

Theo didn’t deserve Liam’s forgiveness, but he didn’t deserve Jenna or David’s either. The fact that if his plan had succeeded, Liam would be dead. If hell wasn’t enough to give him nightmares, that thought sure was.

He looked down at Liam’s uncovered arms while Liam slept, where a little drawing of a flower bloomed, which was surely replicated on his own covered arm. He thought about the fact that he and Liam had these soulmate marks, and he had a sudden, horrible thought.

He nearly killed his own soulmate.

He would never even have gotten to know Liam.

He wouldn’t have understood what made Liam laugh or noticed how he tended to bounce when he was excited or known that his favourite type of soda was grape or how much he loved garlic bread or his favourite song or movie. He’d never have learned who Liam was. This angry beta, curled up at his side, snorting softly. He almost killed him.

He almost never knew him at all.

Theo knew werewolves couldn’t get sick, but he was only half a werewolf, a bastardised version, and he surely felt like vomiting now.

Fuck Christmas, he should get out of town now. He should get in that truck and run far, far away before he could hurt Liam any worse than he already had. 

He tried to pull his arm away, thinking of the horrific nightmares he sometimes had, the ones that included Liam rather than just him and Tara, but couldn’t. As soon as he tried to move, Liam grumbled sleepily, essentially growling at him, and clinging tighter to his arm. 

David walked by casually, eating biting into a pear as he went. “Resistance is futile, Theo. May as well sleep there now.”

Theo would, if Liam really wanted. But he always wound up feeling like if Liam were awake, he’d prefer to be away from him. 

Theo had barely stopped thinking about what Liam had said his type was since it happened. Mean to him. That list could easily include Theo, but the thought of that sort of hurt.

Sure, Theo was kind of mean. Even as a good guy, his humour was dry. And his and Liam’s relationship had always been… sharp. But he cared for Liam. Deeply. And he didn’t actually like to think he might be hurting him. He’d already done enough of that for a lifetime. 

So instead, Theo leant his head back on the couch, reminded himself that if he fucked up his neck, it’d heal, and settled. It was a Friday night anyway, Liam could nap later if he didn’t get a good enough sleep.

His phone buzzed and Theo was careful not to move too much to check it. It was Corey, because of course it was.

‘You’re hanging out with Liam, aren’t you?’ Theo frowned at his phone, because he was absolutely right, and Theo was getting sick of the amount of sass he hadn’t actually realised that Corey had. He got it now, why he and Mason clicked. Something about them made sense. He couldn’t place exactly what it was, but he found himself thinking that of course they were soulmates. How could they not be?

‘Shut the fuck up,’ Theo texted back, not really bothering to pretend. In a weird way, it was nice to have someone get it. And Theo would’ve hated it way more if Corey was being all sympathetic and weird rather than just constantly sassing him, which seemed to fit them both much, much better.

‘You’re an idiot. Can’t believe I was scared of you.’ Theo snorted when the text came through, deciding that this was probably the kind of friendship he needed. 

Theo just sent back a picture of Liam asleep on him, careful not to have the flash or sound on. Corey just sent back an eye rolling emoji and Theo just smiled.

They were getting closer, even in talking via their arms, and Liam seemed to be making a conscious effort to talk to him in person, which sort of surprised Theo. 

Liam’s own phone dinged in his pocket, and he startled awake, looking up at Theo with unfocused and confused eyes. He looked adorable, and Theo wondered if it would be too conspicuous if he just ran away and left town right at that moment. He hated this. Maybe he should’ve gotten rid of him. He would never want him hurt, of course, but joking with himself about it was easier than dealing with the guilt of it all. 

“Wha--?” Liam mumbled, confused. “What time is it?” 

“Like, eleven?” Theo mumbled, checking his phone again and finding that he was right. “You should probably go for a proper sleep, y’know, little piggy?” His voice was unusually soft and fond, and he only hoped that Liam would be too tired to notice.

“I’m not a pig,” Liam grumbled, half sleep, running his hand over his face again, sleepily. 

“No, you’re not a pig.” He agreed, poking Liam’s nose, “You’re a little piggy. Go to bed.”

Liam grumbled, but pulled himself to his feet, holding his hand out to Theo. Theo stared at it, confused. Was Liam trying to hold his hand?

He took it a little awkwardly, and Liam jerked him to his feet before letting go. Theo truly, truly was losing brain cells the more time he spent with Liam, because he could feel the tips of his ears burning and he hoped Liam wouldn’t notice. It wasn’t like he had actually said it-- he had only thought it.

*

They were meeting up with the rest of the group a little later, at the McCall house, and Liam was weirdly nervous about the whole thing. Maybe because it was going to be obvious straight away that he had Theo as a recipient, and that what he was giving was fairly… personal. 

It would look weird from the outside, but he was sure Theo would get it. Ever since the end of the Monroe war, Corey, Mason and Liam had each been wearing a silver ring on their right hands. It was two rings of silver over each other, like Scott’s pack symbol, but in silver, and a slightly different shape. It had sort of become the unofficial symbol of Liam’s pack, and Theo was the only member without one. Partly because he hadn’t wanted one then and partly because they hadn’t spoken for a little while after it ended.

Until Liam invited Theo to stay. Or insisted might be more accurate. He didn’t regret it though, and Theo certainly seemed happier. At least Liam thought so, Theo could be hard to read.

He’d stopped to write a little Merry Christmas to Jon, and had even gone so far as to add a little cartoon heart after it, which he hoped wasn’t going too far. But then, he figured he was trying to do the soulmate thing, right? Trying, though not necessarily successfully.

“You ready?” Liam asked as he poked his head into Theo’s room, knowing he was surely about to get yelled at for entering without knocking again.

Though there was no yelling, Liam did get promptly hit in the face with a pillow.

“Nearly.” Theo told him with a scoff. “What the hell are you wearing?”

Liam looked down at himself. It was hideous, obviously, but that was the point. “Ugly sweaters. Don’t you remember? That’s the dress code!”

Theo scoffed, “Yeah, okay. Maybe I don’t want to be that chump that abides the dress code when others don’t. Malia won’t, Derek won’t,” He began listing off on his fingers. 

“I think you’ll find you are not correct.” Liam said quickly, “Come on, everyone’s flying or driving in. A whole pack Christmas? We never get this shit.” He reminded.

“I’m not even in that pack, Liam.” He scoffed. “Scott didn’t actually ask if I wanted to be in the draw, remember? You volunteered me. I probably wasn’t even going to be invited.”

Liam sighed. They’d had this conversation already. More than once. Liam threw the pillow back at Theo, smacking him in the face. “I want you there. And you’re in the draw anyway, so just… stop fucking whining and put on the ugly Christmas sweater I bought you.”

“What if it doesn’t fit?” It was sort of a dumb protest to have before trying it on, but Theo would clearly try anything to resist. 

“Then you can wear a really tight sweater. Just shut up and put it on. Please.” Liam tried his best for puppy dog eyes and Theo rolled his, looking annoyed.

“Well, leave them. I’m not getting changed in front of you.”

Liam blinked. “I’ve seen you shirtless before, we live together.” 

“Just… get out if you want me to wear it, okay?” Liam frowned down at him, but shrugged and walked out. 

It was a good half hour later that Liam was sitting on the bottom step of the staircase, waiting for Theo to be ready so they could leave. He had the little box in his pocket, and was fidgeting nervously. 

“Can’t come down if you’re blocking the way, Dunbar.” Theo said, nudging past Liam harshly. Liam rolled his eyes, but stood, watching as Theo pulled his shoes on. He looked… good. Theo always looked good, but there was something sort of endearing about seeing him in an ugly Christmas sweater and ripped jeans. He looked like… just a normal guy. 

“You look nice.” Liam said, a little shyly, internally chastising himself for commenting on Theo’s appearance at all. He should focus on Jon. He should focus on trying to make that work instead. Surely he could. 

Theo glanced up at him, seemingly evaluating the honesty of Liam’s comment. “You fucking with me?” He asked, eyes narrowing slightly.

“No?” Liam frowned, “No, you just… look nice in that jumper.”

“Okay, whatever. I didn’t know you had a Christmas fetish.”

“I don’t!” Liam burst out, eyes wide. “Why do you have to make it so hard to be nice to you?”

Theo shrugged, doing up his laces. “Part of my charm, I guess.” He had a smirk on his face and all Liam’s good energy for Theo faded away.

“You suck.”

“You wish.”

*

“Liam, I am your father!” Liam was perched on Scott’s shoulders, Scott running around the room doing his best Vader impression. Liam actually hadn’t seen the movies, and he didn’t think Scott had either, but it wasn’t too hard to know one of the most famous lines in cinematic history. 

Especially with Stiles for a best friend. 

There was a lot of laughter, and Liam was holding his paper Christmas hat on with one hand. He couldn’t stop laughing, but it was the sheer chaotic energy Scott and Liam hadn’t been able to use because of Scott’s absence all coming out at once. 

Mason, Corey, Malia and Kira were engaged in a heated game of pictionary, and Stiles was yelling directions at Liam and Scott. Theo and Derek sat apart from the others, quietly drinking coffee and discussing something Liam couldn’t hear. Others milled around, all jokes and laughter. It was a good day.

The lunch had been great and they had all hit their second wind— most of them at least. Presents were all under the tree and Liam couldn’t have felt more lucky to have this family. They were his people. He’d spent so much of his life with only Mason, but now they were a group. A pack. 

“Presents…?” Stiles called, and the room quieted down somewhat. Old as they were, they were all still kids when it came to presents. 

Liam was nervous though, thinking about the ring he got Theo, wondering if it was a bad idea. He was feeling sensitive about it all, and was sure someone would have some comment to make. 

The only one not wearing a Christmas sweater was Scott, and it was only because he’d overheated running Liam around, so when they all gathered and sat, he replaced the sweater on, carrying out the tradition. 

Liam watched each present go out. Scott’s new jacket from Mason. Corey’s new sunglasses from Malia. Kira’s new baking supplies from Lydia. Stiles’s new lightsaber from Derek.

All in all, everyone seemed to be hitting the nail on the head.

When Liam saw Scott pick up his little box and hand it to Theo, he felt a rush of nervousness. Theo would know, but they wouldn’t all.

Theo opened the little box and Liam heard Malia wolf whistle. 

“Aren’t you a little young to be proposing to a serial killer?” Stiles asked sarcastically, bumping his shoulder into Liam’s.

“Shut the fuck up. It matches ours.” Liam explained, pointing between him, Corey and Mason. Stiles hadn’t said it with any real malice and Liam hadn’t answered with any, but he was afraid he might have blushed. 

Theo’s expression was blank for a moment and Liam felt a rush of fear and regret; a desire to run away from all of this awkwardness and vulnerability. But then Theo smiled. He smiled more genuinely than Liam thought he had ever seen Theo smile. He examined the ring and slipped it onto the same right handed finger that Liam, Mason and Corey did. 

“Thanks, little pig.” Liam wasn’t supposed to have let on who he was, but he didn’t care. He was just glad Theo liked it. Finding it hard not to smile back at Theo’s genuine smile. 

“Little pig?” Derek repeated, sceptical. 

“He snorts in his sleep.” Theo explained casually.

A few looks were exchanged. “And you know how Liam sleeps because…?”

Theo glanced up at Scott and shrugged, “He falls asleep on me sometimes.” 

Liam, for his part, was seriously wishing he could use Kira’s sword to put himself in the ground if it meant escaping this conversation. It was true that he’d fallen asleep on Theo quite a lot, but did Theo really have to expose him like this?

“I’m busy, I get tired a lot,” Liam added, embarrassed.

More gifts were exchanged. More warm smiles and hugs.

Then Liam was handed a box. A very big box with a very specific shape. He frowned at it, confused. No way would this be in the price limit? Unless it was a joke and there was something smaller in the box. But no, this looked like a guitar. It was heavy enough.

He pulled the paper off slowly, and, opening the box, he blinked down at the guitar. Glossy acoustic with dark wood. It was beautiful. 

“Damn, someone’s secret Santa went all out.” Kira commented with an excited smile. 

“Alright, who broke the price range?” Stiles asked, all sarcasm, and nobody answered. Nobody’s expression changed. “Well, I guess your secret santa thought you’d been a good boy this year.” He teased, and Scott went on handing out presents. 

Liam gave a big thank you to whoever his secret santa was, since nobody was letting on.

Time drew on, games continued. They played board games amongst them, even played a game of tag. They did shots none of them would feel (sans the humans) and at some point, and that point was late afternoon, everyone hit a second wall. They put on Die Hard (after a hefty argument about whether it was a Christmas movie or not) and everyone lay around on couches or on the floor, watching the movie.

Liam leaned on one of Mason’s shoulders, Corey on the other.

At some point, maybe halfway through the movie, Stiles waved his hands, trying to get everyone’s attention. When they were all looking, he pointed down at Theo, who was asleep. His mouth was closed and he looked remarkably unembarrassing, which felt wildly unfair, but he was asleep nonetheless, using one of his hands as a pillow and squishing up his cheek slightly.

Liam smiled instantly, then shook himself off. Not Theo. Jon. His soulmate who wrote on his arm. 

“Someone should draw on his face.” Stiles suggested quietly. There was snickering around the room, but no one moved. 

“So do it then.” Malia egged on, brows raised at Stiles. Stiles looked at Theo again, and Liam was struck with the realisation that he was… nervous about it. Liam understood that Theo had done awful things, but they all knew he’d changed. He wouldn’t hurt someone now, not over something like this.

“You do it.” Stiles snapped back, and they stared each other down for a moment. 

Finally, Liam cleared his throat. “I’ll do it.” He said casually, pulling a marker from his pocket. 

He wasn’t sure what possessed him to offer. Maybe a sense of pride. He was positive Theo wouldn’t kill him because he drew on his face. Or… he was mostly positive. 

He moved closer, climbing over tangled and awry legs to get in front of Theo. He got to his knees beside the couch, so that he would be at Theo’s face level. For a split second, he just started at Theo’s features. His smooth, clear skin. Long eyelashes. Scruff. Full lips… 

Nope. He wasn’t going to do that— he wasn’t going to examine Theo’s face like a schoolgirl. Instead, he began drawing, featherlight. He coloured the tip of Theo’s nose in black, before drawing whiskers on either cheek. He drew a little tongue on his chin, and cat’s ears on his forehead. 

It wasn’t that bad, more cutesy than anything, but Liam knew that Theo would hate it. Big bad chimera of death drawn to look like a kitten. 

When he turned back around, proud of himself, nobody reacted. The group was stone faced, eyes wide. Several people turned to look at Scott, who just stared at Liam.

“What?” Liam asked, frowning. “Did I cross some line I didn’t know about?”

Malia let out a little snort of laughter, and Kira nudged her to stop. 

Once she laughed, Stiles did too. Then Derek. Corey whispered something in Mason’s ear and Liam was starting to feel like he was losing his mind.

“You might want to look in the mirror, man.” Mason finally said, awkward glancing between him and Theo. Still, nothing clicked.

“What? What’s wrong with my face?” He pulled his phone out, pulling up the camera and turning it on himself. 

Kitten button nose, whiskers and little cat ears. 

“I don’t understand.” Liam mumbled, too dumbfounded to react properly. There was a moment of silence, as if everyone was waiting for it to click in Liam’s mind. 

He glanced down at Theo, still asleep and frowned. He wouldn’t…? He grabbed Theo’s arm, startling him awake and yanked his sleeve up.

Sure enough, right there in his handwriting. The Merry Christmas he’d written.

Theo looked like he was still trying to figure out what was going on, but his eyes went from Liam’s face (and his whiskers) down to his arm, still locked in Liam’s grasp. There was almost complete silence, like the group were waiting to see how either of them would react. 

Liam was trying hard to wrap his head around it all. It was Theo. All that talking, all that getting to know each other, all of Liam trying to convince the person to give him a chance and it was… Theo. 

He and Theo’s eyes were locked on each other now, Die Hard forgotten in the background.

“What… the fuck?” Liam finally managed to get out. Someone wolf whistled behind, but Liam barely heard it. He was busy being humiliated and seething quietly. Confusion was being overtaken quickly by anger and if he stayed any longer, he’d end up clocking Theo for this. “You couldn’t just reject me, you had to lie to me and lead me on too? You are unbelievable.”

The tone in the room had shifted, evidently people didn’t know what was happening, why Liam was so angry, because he heard a few people begin to ask him questions or begin to step in. He was sure there would be people who would assume the worst, since there were still people who weren’t particularly big fans of Theo, but Liam wasn’t too concerned about that right at that moment. He was too busy feeling angry and embarrassed to feel guilty for doing this in front of everyone. 

But Theo didn’t speak and Liam turned on his heel, stalking directly out of the house. He had come in Theo’s truck, so he didn’t have a way out of here except to walk, but he didn’t want to be followed. He almost wanted to hide so someone couldn’t come after him and insist on seeing him or talking to him.

But after a few minutes of walking, Liam realised he wasn’t being followed and he settled down. He knew his way around the town pretty well, and it’d only be twenty or thirty minutes of walking to get home. 

His phone kept on buzzing in his pocket, but Liam was stubbornly ignoring it. He didn’t actually want to know. He was pretty sure Theo would’ve rubbed the marks off his face by now— but frankly, Liam didn’t care. It was Christmas eve and he was walking through the town in an Ugly Christmas sweater, he wasn’t sure if cat whiskers made that much worse or better. 

He had already made his peace with that he obviously wasn’t Theo’s type. That was fine. Theo didn’t owe him shit. But he should’ve just told him that when the soulmate mark appeared. Rather than lead him on and let him believe they were different people. Let him believe he had an actual soulmate who could actually grow to care for him.

Liam was basically a landlord who never made him pay rent. 

When Liam got to a park between his and Scott’s houses, he stopped, sitting. It was freezing, and Liam’s fingers felt like ice, but he didn’t really want to go home. He finally decided to check his phone, to find out the messages; and he had one from Corey.

‘Talk to him before you spiral and freak out.’

Liam just frowned at the text. Since when did his best friends take Theo’s side on issues like this? Since when did his best friends take Theo’s side on anything? It was bad enough Liam had been embarrassed about the ring, but that vulnerability had felt worth it before. It didn’t feel so worth it now. 

There were other messages coming through-- from Scott, from Mason. Nothing from Theo.

Liam had no interest in reading messages from people right now, he had no interest in being told he should’ve stayed put. It was true, probably. That Liam should’ve stayed, given Theo a chance to explain, but Liam had never been that good at processing his emotions, and this was embarrassing. Being rejected like that in front of everyone… it was humiliating, and Liam figured leaving was better than having an episode in front of the entire pack. Which, if he stayed, he would have.

The writing appeared on the back of his hand, past the sleeve of his jumper, and Liam had to bite his lip to stop from yelling at the innocent words, even though he knew Theo couldn’t hear him now.

‘Can we talk?’ 

Liam just stared. He had pens in his pockets, and absolutely no interest in writing back. He got up and continued walking, feeling like if he stayed in one place, he’d get pissed off again and go backwards. He’d wind up yelling or running back to say something in front of all of them. That, or his self esteem would spiral, and Liam wasn’t equipped to handle that on Christmas Eve.

He walked until he came across a music store. It was the main music store in their town, and had the most stock. Liam had been interested in music for a while, so he went inside, swinging his arms at his sides, trying to keep his anger from building. He wasn’t good at grounding himself at the best of times, but he was caught between anger and a deep sadness, and he didn’t want to feel either. 

He walked around, looking at the different guitars, looking at the prices. He wasn’t good enough to get one of the super nice, slick fenders or an electric, but he enjoyed looking at them. Enjoyed imagining a world where he was good enough. And now he had the nice dark wood acoustic he’d been given, so he was far closer to that too.

One of the workers let him try a guitar -- probably partly because they desperately didn’t want to be working -- so Liam sat in the back corner of the store, guitar perched on his knee, absentmindedly playing a few chords of some song or other that he’d learned. He wasn’t paying enough attention, instead spiralling into his own thoughts, which was probably an inevitability.

“Liam?”

Liam started when he heard his own name, turning to see Theo standing there, his face clean, but looking concerned. He held his hands up, as if in surrender, and he was still wearing the ugly Christmas sweater he’d been so desperate not to wear.

“Was my running off not clear enough?”

“No, actually, it wasn’t.” Theo snarked, as if he couldn’t help himself. “It would’ve been one thing if you’d just said you weren’t into me, but you made that comment about me leading you on and rejecting you, so now I need to understand what the fuck that means before I can get in my truck and skip town. So if you could just like… speak to me so we can get this emotional clusterfuck over with, I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”

Liam’s eyes narrowed, annoyed, “You’re such a fucking dick. You lie to me for weeks and then turn around and act like I’m the asshole?”

*

He was fucking this up. He knew he was fucking this up. Liam was right, he was the dick. He was the one who’d lied. He was the one who’d made assumptions. None of this would’ve happened if not for him being a dumbass. And yet… He couldn’t stop the sass from coming out of his mouth. It just kept spilling out of him, like he had no control over himself. For someone who used to be so restrained, it was embarrassing how quickly Theo had just fallen apart under the weight of Liam not loving him back.

It was stupid-- he had never even considered that Liam might feel the same way. So why now was it so hard to look him in the eye and talk about this seriously? Corey would probably kick him if he could see him now. Others too, probably, but for different reasons. No one had taken any of it particularly well after Liam ran out. Everyone had, naturally, assumed it was Theo’s fault and, to be fair, it was. Some of them liked or trusted him more than others, and weirdly, it was Corey who came to his defense. Mason was shocked, which meant Corey had actually managed to keep it to himself. 

When Theo had, very poorly, explained himself, he had been met with a near wall of disapproval. He should’ve just told liam, blah blah blah. All shit he already knew. He knew he was being an idiot about this all, he just didn’t know how to make himself stop.

It had taken him a little while to collect himself enough to follow Liam, and by then, he was pretty sure Scott was just barely restraining a coup to steal Theo’s phone and say things to Liam on his behalf.

All in all, Theo was sort of wishing he’d never come back to Beacon Hills at all at this point, because his begrudging pack would surely kill him, if Liam didn’t do it first.

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“You said your name was Jon!” Liam burst out in a yell, eyes wide.

“No, I said you could call me Jon.” Theo answered quickly, his voice far calmer than Liam’s.

“You said you didn’t have a soulmate thing!” 

“No, I said the doctors told me I wouldn’t.” He knew what he was doing. How he was living on technicalities, and if he was half as good at reading Liam as he thought he was, it was only bruising his feelings.

“You lied to me, Theo. You lied by omission. You went out of your way to keep me from realising it was you. You know, you could’ve just told me you weren’t interested. I wouldn’t have kicked you out or-- or blamed you. But lying to me? Why? To continue using my guest room? To stay in my pack?” He shook his head, and Theo could see the hurt written all over his face. 

His heart ached to see Liam looking like that. He was selfish. He was a selfish coward who hadn’t been able to face that painful, aching reality that he would never, ever deserve Liam.

“I… I wasn’t trying to lie to you.” Theo said in a quiet voice, “I just thought… I thought it was unfair that you got stuck with me for a soulmate.”

Liam blanched, “Unfair? Being my soulmate is unfair to you…?”

“No, fuck!” Theo was finally the one to raise his voice now, “That’s not what I’m-- Liam, what I’m trying to say is… I didn’t think it was fair on you to be stuck with me. I thought… I thought you wouldn’t want to be stuck with me because I thought you would read it as like… an indictment on your soul or the kind of person you are. Like, being paired with a serial killer for eternity or whatever.” He tried to explain, but he knew he wasn’t putting the words out right. He was still avoiding the real problem. The real reason he hadn’t been willing to explain.

“An indictment on my soul?” Liam repeated, eyes narrowed skeptically. “To be paired with you? The only indictment on the kind of person I am is the fact that my soulmate was so horrified at being stuck with me, he lied for weeks.”

Theo was trying desperately to scrape together the right words, “No, I just…” Theo was never so caught for words. Theo was witty and measured and good with his words. Theo was a born manipulator, someone who could convince almost anyone of almost anything with just his words and the right facial expression. But Liam disarmed him, and right now, Theo couldn’t think of anything except how badly he was ruining things between himself and Liam, permanently. 

“I nearly killed you, Liam!” Theo burst out, “I was going to. I planned to. I nearly made you kill your own Alpha. I… one thing differently or one wrong move and you… I would never have even known you, Liam. I could… I could live a thousand more years without ever, ever coming close to deserving you.”

Liam blanked, eyes going from angry and paranoid to confused in a split second. He was clearly processing, but Theo had broken some kind of floodgate, so processing or not, he kept on going.

“I’m not a good person. I’ve never been a good person. I always thought if you were going to have a soulmate, they’d be as good as you. I thought if I had one, they’d be as… fucked up as me. A killer too, maybe. Or that I was too broken to have one. When I realised it was you, I nearly lost my fucking mind!” Theo was shouting, and the worker in the store had seen himself out several minutes before, maybe sensing that a yelling match wasn’t what he wanted to listen to on Christmas Eve. He could probably still hear them, but Theo didn’t care. “Because fuck, it was everything I’d ever wanted, my absolute wildest fucking dreams! Being your soulmate? What the fuck did I do to deserve that? To deserve you? I just… your drawings on me, I knew it was you. Instantly. And I thought I would just get in my truck and leave because you didn’t deserve that and because… I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take watching you be horrified to be stuck with me or telling me you could never forgive me. I couldn’t handle it. That’s why I lied. Because it was just… it was a fucking dream come true and I didn’t deserve it.”

Liam just stared at him. Nothing on his face. No signs of life, even. If Liam’s chest wasn’t visibly rising and falling, Theo might think he had simply ceased to exist right in front of Theo’s eyes.

But no, Liam was in there. His brain was reeling, and Theo couldn’t make out a thing. Not a single emotion, not a single thought. Liam had always been a bit like an open book to him, but not right now. Right now, Theo had absolutely no idea what Liam was going to say or do.

He wouldn’t be angry if Liam never wanted to see or speak to him again. But that one moment, waiting to fall off the deep end, Theo was fucking terrified. Far more scared than he’d been at even some of the worst moments in his life. This was different. For the first time, ever, Theo had something to lose. Something worth holding onto. 

“You absolute…” Liam began, then trailed off. “You fucking… You selfish…” Liam kept trailing off, as if he couldn’t find the right words. Theo was half expecting an explosion. Yellow eyes and bared fangs and screamed words. He was half expecting to have his nose broken again, even though it had been so long since it happened before. 

But then, Liam launched forward. Theo flinched, expecting the worst, but found himself pleasantly surprised when he was knocked backward, upright, Liam’s grip tight on his shoulders, keeping him in place. Theo waited, waited for impact.

“I hate you.” Liam told him abruptly, before he pressed Theo back into a wall, kissing him forcefully. Theo’s mind went totally blank. Not a single thought passed through his mind, it was almost as if he’d never seen a thought before in his life. All he had was this one moment. Liam’s lips against his, a little rougher than Theo had been expecting. Liam’s hands on his shoulders, keeping him in place. He hadn’t been expecting Liam to be one to take control like this, then again, he’d never even let himself fantasise about Liam wanting him. 

But Theo melted against Liam and found that he didn’t care how surprisingly messy this situation was or how many times Liam said he hated him, as long as he never, ever stopped kissing him like this. 

Liam pulled back, but he still looked grumpy. Theo didn’t care, he was dazed and taken off guard, apparently simping harder for the younger werewolf than he was even aware of until now. He tried to blink off his confusion, but he was sure he looked like a flushed mess, because frankly, he was. Any and all of Theo’s composure had flown at the window, as if it had never existed.

“You can hate me however much you want if you keep doing that.” Theo mumbled, feeling out of his depth. He’d never had this, not any of it. The only people he’d ever kissed had been for the sake of manipulation. He’d never had something like this. Never had the desire and passion and the stupid, painful pining. But for Liam? For Liam, he’d do anything. 

“I thought you just didn’t want me.” Liam managed, but it had gone from an inferno of anger to a dampened wick in moments. 

“That could not be further from the truth,” Theo told him softly, focusing on the features he’d never seen quite so close before. The insane blue of Liam’s eyes, the ridiculous length of his eyelashes. The way his brows pinched in the middle because of his fear. “I just… You’re right, I was being a coward. I convinced myself I was doing it to help you, but I was just… scared.” He admitted, raising his shoulders in a shrug.

Liam’s eyes were tentative, momentarily guarded, but he leaned up to kiss Theo again, and Theo was left with the same dazed, momentarily lost feeling. If this was kissing Liam, even minimally, Theo wanted to keep doing it forever. 

“Can I draw on your arm again?” Liam managed, his eyes wide, looking a little scared.

Theo gave a little, half smile, “You can draw on me whenever you want, little piggy.” He said softly, reaching up to push a bit of Liam’s hair back.


End file.
